fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
