I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was born a porn star she said
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize