Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
