Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
