singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
