all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
