I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
