ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
