she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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