You're so nebulous sometimes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
pop tarts are not kleenex
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
