Me. At least after what I've been through.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
