Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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