I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
