I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
