even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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