just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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