Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
