STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
