We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My vagina is very pro this idea
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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