I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize