If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
