i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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