So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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