at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
