Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
