So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
