also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
