Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
