I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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