Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just blew my weed a kiss
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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