I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
