Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
