It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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