I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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