so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
