Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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