Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
