I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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