I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize