i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
