Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
