I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize