i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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