as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dignity is for republicans.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
