I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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