Plan B is the new Plan A
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
