only if we run a train.
done.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize