sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
