I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
