The best revenge is premature balding
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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