I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
