david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
