You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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