508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fuck appropriateness.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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