Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
