also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
