I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
