I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
