DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
