How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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