You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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