On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
why is half of my head shaved?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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