i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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