It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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