the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
