Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
