Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize