Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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