Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
