Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
