just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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