Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Couch. On fire.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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