Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
