Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
