Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
