I hate your face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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