woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
