in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
