I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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