like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize