i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
