hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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