What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
